That’s right.  I got back out of bed for this.  Oh, i tried to calm my mind, but maybe that will require letting out some mental steam, rather than hoping it cools.   

The current series at church is on pride– and they’ve played each week on the idea of “getting meeked,” (see here).  Which sort of leaves me anticipating, oh, you know, tripping over a rock and totally face-planting in the gravel while finishing a really triumphant run, or forgetting who i called right as they answer and getting called on my bluff, or my entire inner monologue appearing in speech bubbles above my head, or any other really embarrassing thing i could imagine.  

Because when i think “meek,” or “humble,” i think embarrassed, apparently, or shamed.  Oh, how backwards-ly i think sometimes!

I know i tend to be full of pride.   I see it in

-the way i want my kids to act like angels when we’re with other people or out somewhere

-my tendency to defend myself when i feel like Brian is picking on me (which is usually taking something out of context and blowing something innocent out of proportion, i.e. Him: “Hey, did you get a chance to make that phone call yet?” Me: “Geez, get off my case jerk!  You think i just sit around all day waiting for phone calls to make?  I have been so busy…” [not an actual convo, but you get the drift...])

-or the way i tend to contradict other people’s (perfectly good) ideas or advice because i don’t want to be vulnerable or wrong.

You see where this is going.  I know it.  It’s the change that gets me.

I want to wear sweatsuits (no vanity) and sit around, never attempting to do anything (when is it of God, and when is it on my own strength?  am i humble today, at this moment?) and certainly never attempt anything creative (might draw attention), and not speak (who can tame the tongue, anyhow?). But then that’s ultimate pride– focusing on myself to rid myself of my sin.

 

After a great small group discussion on the topic the other day, it would appear that maybe that’s a common tendency:  we realize our pride (even if just a glimpse) and set about to fix it, rather than simply setting our eyes and hearts on our Savior who wants to form us into his (perfect and perfectly humble) image.