Sidetracked

If I were to title the story of my life, that would be it.  I have sat down here to write at least once a day for the past 5, and twice or more on some days, and every time i start i soon am called away by a babe, a basket of laundry, or simply my shorter-than-usual attention span.  This is my story:  I am always, always getting off track from what i started out intending to do.

You may remember talk of this sort from earlier in the year when i was telling you about my word (faithful) and my resolve to learn to complete, to follow through with things. How is it that i have been so intentional to try and move through this defect of mine, yet it persists? This morning I was reading “Respectable Sin.”  (by Jerry Bridges.  The premise of the book is that while we generally accept certain sins as normal, any sin is unrighteousness, and is to be cut out of our lives.)

The chapter today was “Ungodliness,”  and pointed out that, though we (believers in Christ), identify ourselves with Him, we often live with no thought of God’s glory or of living in a way that will bring Him joy. Here it hit me: this is where my distractedness goes to work.  Bridges pointed out in the chapter how easily we may start the day with minds set on God, but quickly lose sight of Him as we become absorbed in our everyday selfishness.

Here I sit, itching to get up and go brush my teeth, work on cleaning out the kids’ closets, (which i started today and, naturally, have not yet finished…), get a glass of water and read my newest library book (American Nerd: The story of my People.  Benjamin Nugent.  Quite good, i think,) but I am determined not to move my tail from this seat until I complete this post (by the way, see how that works?  See all the kids of things I juggle in my brain all the time?).  Oh, my poor, ailing attention span.

Ok, almost there.

In other news, Asher’s birth story is in the process of being written.  There’s so much to say about that.  ‘Til that’s ready, here’s a little glimpse of my sweet new one to hold you over:

Sweetness.

Also, I cut Brian’s hair.  I have been cutting his hair for years now, but this time it turned out a little different.  By accident.  I’ve been duly apologetic, as it was a terrible mistake, though an honest mistake.  I have also burst into laughter every time he walks away from me.  And here is why:

Can you tell from the pic we had been laughing until we cried?  In fact, i am laughing just looking at that picture.  I offered to do one on the other side to make it look more even, or to try and spell a word in hair or something.  For some reason, he didn’t get as big a kick out of those ideas as i did.  So just the one stripe remains, as you already know if you have seen my husband this week.

Yes– he is here!

Asher Moss was born Wednesday evening, 6:03 pm.

8 lbs, 5 oz and 20.25 inches.  We are both doing quite well:  he’s eating and pooping like a champ, and I feel great.  More details will follow when i’m off the pain meds.  Thank you for the prayers and encouraging words!

Had that baby yet?

Well i’d better get this out of the way first:  No, Asher has not been born yet.

At this point (a week past his due date, that is,) people are asking three questions, all of which i will graciously answer for you.

(1) Haven’t you had that baby yet? Oh it’s always tempting to give a smart answer to this one.  You can imagine.  I have learned to just smile and hold my tongue.  Oh, and the answer is no.  Obviously.  Very, very obviously.

(2) So when is that baby coming? I really wish i knew.  That would make planning for it sooo much easier right now.  But seeing as the best estimation of modern medicine was off, as well as my expectations and the theories of several old wives’ tales, well, God only knows when.

(3) Have you had any contractions yet? Oh goodness, yes.  Quite enough of them to have had a baby by now; they have been going on daily, all day for about a week now, and every night slowly fizzling out around the middle of the night.  Nothing too painful, but no picnic nonetheless.  It was the same way before Oliver was born; and one night they just didn’t stop, and when it got serious, it got serious quick.  I suspect it may be the same this time.

So, about the baby, I don’t know what he’s doing in there still.  “They” say that as babies in utero get closer to birth, they move less because of their cramped conditions.  I must say, that is not the case with this baby, who, from my best judgment seems to be working out some karate moves and possibly break-dancing in there.  “They” say this is a good sign, since movement equals healthy baby.  I say, there’s not room in this body for the two of us.

In unrelated news, the other night, I was awakened by the creepy sensation of some sort of bug on my face.  My FACE!  I woke up all discombobulated, swiping at my neck as i felt creepy little feet travelling south.  I swatted it away and heard it hit the floor, but by the time i got the light on it was gone– all but a leg.  An insect leg on my arm.  Bleeaaauugh.  “In our bed?”  Brian said, ” Now they’ve crossed the line.”  Indeed.  We slept with the light on.

So last night, being so large, so tired and so uncomfortable, i decided to take a nice relaxing bath.  There i was all cozy and reading a nice little novel, when i felt a little drip of water on my neck.  Know where this is going?  Yeah, i brushed it away, and it moved.  And it was a roach.  On my neck.  Well, by this point, it was in my bath.  I don’t know how i moved as quickly or with such agility, but i let out a scream and jumped straight up out of the bath, which is where Brian found me, pointing in horror at the flailing creature.  Heroically, he scooped it right out with one of the kids’ bath toys.  “You can probably just get back in,”  he said hopefully.  Uh, yeah right!  Not sharing bathwater with any such creature.

Now, yall have read blogs about bugs from me before;  you know we have a “wildlife situation” here in our (large old rental) home.  I am tired of telling you about it, because as you know, you don’t want folks to think you’re gross or anything.  But it appears it’s gotten personal.  Do they sense my hightened stress levels?  Smell anxiety on me?  Know i’m already going a little kooky from lack of sleep and oxygen (since it’s so hard to breathe for two) and find it funny to harass me?

We had the bug guy out again yesterday, so I guess last night’s incident goes under the “it will get worse before it gets better,” heading.  Actually, so does the Asher situation.  Sometime very soon, i will be introducing you to our sweet new baby boy.  But first, yall pray for me, because I’m not exactly looking forward to the pain that will precede meeting him.

Attitude adjustment, again

I am fighting for my moments this week.  I told you how i am trying to engage in and savor each one, right?

So much easier said than done.  You may think i write here just to air my grievances, but if you are like me, and i always secretly expect that you are, you enjoy reading a bit of someone else’s dirt.  Not like yucky dirt or particularly dirty dirt (as in gossipy– or worse), but those imperfections of the sort that make us all just alike, and remind us that we are not the only crazy one.  So i persist.

Yesterday Oliver began to show symptoms of some sort of virus, nothing major, but involving a fever and, in his words “ouch face.”  Last night, he wouldn’t sleep.  Poor restless thing.  And then this morning Stella woke up feverish as well.  In addition, i sat up for a couple hours with contractions hurting just enough to keep me from sleeping but not bad enough to be the real thing, leaving me tired, grumpy, and still ginormously pregnant.  You can imagine the combination of the three of us when we all woke up this morning, sleepy and cranky, with headaches and tired eyes.

I’d decided to start journalling through the book of James, and this morning was the first day.  Just a few verses were enough to smack me upside the heart, “Count it all joy… when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.”

I am always quick to say, no, no my little struggles are not really trials or suffering, just bumps in the road or little annoyances.  I think when i say that it’s because I actually believe that i am able to see myself through on the strength that i supply.  But today, i looked at my condition and saw the trials for what they are– trying!  Trying my patience, showing what’s really going on inside my heart, and it’s not been pretty. I’ve been impatient and selfish.  And did i mention impatient?

According to the Message version of the next verse, “you know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.”  Ouch.  I was so thankful for my twenty minutes (an episode of Stella’s ritual morning cartoon) in the Word today, and so very aware of my need, my complete dependance on Christ and what He has done for me.

Tropical Storm

I’ve rested, I’ve nested, and now i’m hoping that tomorrow’s dip in barometric pressure will bring some action on the baby front.

I just attempted a home pedicure.  That was quite a ridiculous idea, and quite a sight to see, i’m sure– I had to attempt about 5 ways to reach my toes before i could finally get close enough and stable enough to take a swing with that tiny paintbrush.  Of course i was totally out of breath by the time i finished.  Last time i try those kind of shenanigans.

Today we returned to the library (no late books!  no fees!) to stock up on cute kid books and a few randomly selected books i grabbed before the littles drove the other library patrons up the wall (i think it was about 45 seconds in the grown-up portion of the library before we started getting ‘looks’).

Tomorrow we’re going to the park while it’s still nice, and then Ni-ni comes back to town (hooray!), along with plenty of rain and possible gusting winds.  I warned her that hurricanes and the like are not as exciting here as they appear on inland TV.  Being the professional she is, she informed me that she spent part of her day today researching fun rainy-day activities for toddlers.  We will repay her with all the chocolate peanut butter bars and creative vegetarian dinners she could want.

Now i’m going to take one of my new books and go put my nice pretty feet up for the night.

Weekend Update

Sometimes these long weekends get a little antsy; people in our home who are usually working are hoping to have SO MUCH FUN that we are in danger of getting testy with each other if things don’t turn out according to our highest hopes.  This weekend, i am so glad to say, was not like that.

We spent some glorious time in the ocean Saturday.  In anticipation of the terrible, horrible traffic and crowds that often accompany holiday weekends at the beach, we loaded our Boss Cruisers onto the back of the car and parked far from the beach.  We rode all over the place for the first time since the patient (that’s Brian, if you missed the post about his surgery) has regained his ability to do things.  The traffic and crowds weren’t terrible, or even in existence.  But we enjoyed our ride nonetheless.  Then we went and jumped in the ocean, and it was just perfect.  The water was that perfect shade of blue-green and glassy and i wanted to swim all day.  But at some point the kids had to have lunch, so we took off.

We had dinners with friends each night of the long weekend, with a Birthday Cook-Out last night.  This is the time of year I cram as much summer fun into our lives as possible, thankful for the ability to go play in the sand whenever i want, and happy for something more exciting to do than just sit around and watch my stretch-marks stretch. (Side note:  how is it that i made it through 2 and 38/40ths pregnancies with abdomen relatively unscathed, and in the past week i’m getting marked up like nobodies business?  Not that i’m complaining, it’s not so bad a price to pay in itself, but it just doesn’t make sense. Maybe this baby is a giant. Ha!)

I am trying to stay mindful in my moments; I have noticed this is the big thing that makes or breaks most of my days.  The lesson i’m learning and re-learning is to engage in each of the moments, to be content engaging with Stella and Oliver:  To enjoy the dance parties in the den, to savor the maddeningly slow pace of chores with the help of two small folks and be thankful that they are eager to learn and to help, to embrace a quiet time interrupted by Stella waking up early from nap time and wanting to “journal” with me and not feel like i’m going insane when Oliver feels the need to scream all afternoon for no discernible reason.

On the home-decor front, we got the dresser in our bedroom repainted and curtains up, all in a color inspired by that perfect ocean hue.  I put some hydrangeas from our little bush in the backyard on the dresser and they look so good.  Finally i feel like we’ve made sense of the situation inside all these walls.  Thank God for a sense of contentment in that way, at least.